Tunnel vision

“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”    Matthew 6:31-34

If I brought you to a big department store and told you to buy a particular item, but also told you that I didn’t want you to buy anything that was red in color, I am pretty sure of one thing – you would suddenly see a world filled with red items!  You would have the color red on the brain!  And don’t we do that in other areas of our lives?  I sure do – I probably wouldn’t care 2 cents about a doughnut unless I’m on a no-doughnut diet, then all I can think about it doughnuts.  So when we have a huge need in our lives – whether its about a job and money, or a spouse, or a health problem, or just about anything, it’s hard to think about anything else, even with a huge world around us.

Now, all this being said, I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m probably one of the most guilty people in this regard, always hyper-focusing on my needs, no matter how small, and missing the multitude of blessings that I’ve had in my life.  And I tend to quickly forget about the miracles that God has blessed me with, pinging about today, and forgetting about how gracious God has been to me in the past.  In the past few years I have desperately searched for a job, and every day I wake up with unemployment on my mind, go through my day thinking about it and worrying about how long the money will last, and lay in bed at night with my closet of anxieties wide open and spilling out all over me.  Talk about tunnel vision!

A few days ago I heard someone talking about their own experience with unemployment, and they said that Matthew’s words really hit them hard, and they finally realized that they needed to start “seeking first his kingdom”.  And when they did just that, God showed his faithfulness in amazing ways.  They took their eyes off of their problems, and focused on God, and it was only then that God was able to open doors for them “no man can shut”.  WOW!  That hit me hard too!  I have been here, struggling to get through every day, in my own effort, and completely forgetting about the fact that God has a plan for my life, and that it is in HIS time, and HIS way that matters, not mine.  I realized that part of my seeking His kingdom, and His righteousness, means that I have to take my eyes off of the walls of the tunnel around me, and look forward to the beautiful blessings that God has both given me, and has in store for me.  God did NOT bring me out into the desert to die!

There is most definitely a light at the end of this tunnel – it is God’s light, and a world of his blessing and love for me, and for you.  Seek that first!

Heavenly Father, you are so amazing!  You have given us your word and your promises, wrapped in your grace.  Thank you for the blessings that you’ve given us, and help us to remember those blessings when we feel like that tunnel may never end.  Help us to see your light.  We ask for your strength and grace, and the peace that only comes from you, and to help us keep our eyes on YOU, not our problems.  Lord, help us to seek you first, always – and to hold on to you in every circumstance.  Thank you for the people that you place in our lives who remind us that you are a faithful God, and who remind us to never forget that.  Forgive us when we get wrapped up in our selves, and deliver us from our self-pity and self-centered ways.  Lord, we pray all of these things in Jesus’ name.  Amen.

Copyright ConnieD. 2013.  All rights reserved.

Contented cows

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”  Hebrews 13:5

Have you ever watched dairy cows grazing in a field?  Just picture it – a sunny day, buttercups dotting the green fields, a blue sky with just a few white clouds….ah….yes…how serene.  And the cows, well, they mosey around, eating whatever they’d like – not a care in the world.  In that moment, wouldn’t you just love to know what it’s like to live in a world that is just like that field?  Oh, I would.  To be content, just appreciating the blessings right in front of me.  Enjoying the provisions of today, and not giving even the slightest thought of what tomorrow may or may not bring.

If I truly listen to God’s word, and put it into practice, I can indeed experience that kind of contentment.  It’s true.

But for you and me, contentment sometimes takes work.

What?!

Yes, work.

Look out your window, and try to clear you mind of all the angst you’ve got floating around in that noggin.  Not that easy, huh.  I regularly walk around, and even lay in bed at night, with steam coming out of my ears from all of the worries I have buzzing around in there.  When you look out that window, what do you see?  Do you see a bird?  You know – like the sparrow that Jesus told us about, and how much more we are loved than even that sparrow.  Do you see flowers?  Like the lilies that Jesus said don’t labor or spin to get their beautiful “clothes”.  Is it raining?  Like the rain that produces crops, like God’s word tells us.  Can you recognize the things in God’s creation that are evidence of his love for us?  Can you enjoy those things, even if only for a moment?  And when you allow yourself to actually breathe, and take in that beauty, sit back and try to truly appreciate those things.  Be content in those things.  Tell God about it.  Ask Him to let you see other things in your world through those same appreciative, contented eyes.  Ask Him to let you learn to see His handiwork in even your greatest challenges.  You’ll be amazed at what a little contentment can do.

Lord, forgive me for taking so many things in your creation and in my own little world for granted.  Thank you for blessing me with things I’ve never even appreciated.  Thank you for telling me over and over that you’ll never leave me or forsake me…because I need you always, and especially now.  Bless me with your peace, so that I can cast all worry about of my mind, and so that I can learn to be content, and in the moment.  I ask for your blessings in my life and the lives of those who love you – grant them, and me, the desires of our hearts.  In Jesus’ name I pray.  Amen.

Copyright ConnieD. 2012.  All rights reserved.

From little seeds

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.   Habakkuk 3:17-18

Spring is a time of sowing and planting.  It is a time when we can sense new life all around us, and we have an expectancy that the things we sow and plant will one day yield a harvest.  When we put a seed in the ground, we cover it up, water it, and try to create an environment that will help that little seed begin to sprout.  If you’re like me, you go back day after day to look and see if there is a little sprout popping through the top of the soil.  And when we don’t see anything for a while we don’t get upset – we know that seeing evidence that the seed is growing takes a while.  We don’t plant a seed and start wringing our hands an hour later because we don’t have tomatoes that are ripe and ready to pick.  We usually feel excited knowing that we’ve planted a seed, and one day soon, we’ll begin to see a sprout – and that after months of care we’ll eventually have a harvest.

So what about the other kinds of seeds we sow in life.  Do we have that same kind of joyful anticipation about those?   Speaking for myself, no – not always.  Oh, I’d like to think that I sow at least a few good seeds in my life.  But I have this “thing” about wanting to see an immediate harvest.  I’m totally guilty of impatience, faithlessness, fear, worry and all of those other not-so-attractive things.  I think that by watering the seeds I’ve sown with my tears that they’re going to sprout faster.  But they don’t.  I think that by blowing hot air over the seeds that they’ll sprout – you know, like when I angrily tell God that I’d better see some sprout-action, “or else”.  But they don’t.  I think that by stomping the ground all around the seeds will make my own little seeds sprout.  But they don’t sprout then either.

So finally, when I’ve cried myself out, and yelled myself out, and stomped myself out, I just sit there, in my own silence.  And God does indeed let me sit.  And sit.  And when my protracted tantrum is over, then I can start to breathe again.  It’s only then that I can utter a few barely audible words to God.  Usually something like “I”m sorry…so sorry”.  And in my heart I know He hears me.  I think that’s the kind of sprouting God wants in all of us.  He wants the sprouting that comes from HIS seed.  He wants the sprout of my humility.  He wants the sprout of my needing Him, and knowing I need Him.  He wants the sprout of my praise.  And only then can he start to work on my seeds.  In His time.  In His perfect time.

Lord, thank you for showing me the futility of my own efforts, and the realization that without You I’m nothing.  Thank you for reminding me, gently, that YOU are responsible for any good harvest in our lives.  Forgive me for the bad behavior I have – toward you and toward others.  Forgive me for my impatience and utter lack of faith.  Bless me, even thought I don’t deserve it.  Through Christ you saved me from the enemy – and I ask you to save me from myself – from doing the things and being the kind of person that aren’t going to move me forward.  The kinds of things that keep distance between You and me.  Thank you for loving me when I’m so very hard to love.  In Jesus’ name I pray.  Amen.

Copyright ConnieD. 2012. All rights reserved.

For the birds

” Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”  Matthew 6:26

One of the things that brings me a little bit of stress relief, and peace, is looking out of my dining room window and watching all of the birds that call our back yard “home”.  We have a number of feeders for them, and houses, and apparently the word got out among them and their friends, and now we have a growing bird sanctuary back there.  I love watching them show up though – and I marvel at their amazing colors, differences and beauty.  And I love watching them eat.  I mean – I looooove watching them eat.  I don’t even know what it is about them eating that I find so fascinating, but I do love knowing that the different kinds of foods that we put out for them are enjoyable to them.  I can only imagine how God loves seeing us take delight when we eat of His bounty, and drink of His living water.

I have noticed a few very special things about those birds though.  I’ve noticed that none of them have been flying around to each feeder, checking and double-checking the level of bird food left in each.  I’ve noticed that none of them look terribly concerned, whether its about the fact that there might only be a few little seeds left in any one of those feeders, or in all of the feeders for that matter.  They don’t give much thought to what gets spilled on the ground, and I’ve never seen even one break a sweat because a grabby little squirrel shows up.   I’ve noticed that none of those birds look worried in any way.  I haven’t seen any nervously nibbling away at their toenails (is that what you call them?), or sitting on a branch with their little heads buried in worry in their little wings.  It’s like they know something that I don’t know.  And what they know is at the heart level, and their little minds follow.  They have no apparent cares, no concerns.  They appreciate the little morsels that are set out before them.  They live in the moment, and they exude a joy that I’ve never known.

My heart is another story.  I worry – all the time.  I check my resources over and over, whether it’s a bank account, my client list, my pantry or any number of things, and I worry about what isn’t there, or how long what is there will last.  I sit with my head in my well-wrung hands, and sink into the mire of my own bad thoughts.  I do a terrible job at appreciating the here and now.  Oh, and did I mention I’m a multi-tasker?  Yes, I can be working on one problem, and worrying about another – all without missing  a beat.  How lame is that?

The birds sing each morning – happy for a new day.  They take delight in the abundance before them when it’s sunny or cloudy.  And when the rain comes they patiently wait for the skies to clear, because they know something wonderful is waiting for them.  The birds are such wonderful examples of how each of us should live each day, thankful and joyful.  They are masterpieces in God’s creation, and their wings can raise us up to the heavens.

Lord, thank you so very much for the beautiful examples of your love that you’ve placed in your creation.  And thank you for your promise to love us, and to provide for us, in even greater ways than you provide for the birds.  Thank you for knowing our needs, and knowing our concerns.  Thank you for the blessings you give us each day, whether we realize it or not.  Thank you for understanding our shortcomings, and loving us when we behave so very ungratefully.  God, help me to remember your love and provision every morning, and help me to find your peace in my heart every day.  God, bless me with every blessing, out of your amazing abundance.  In Jesus’ name I pray.  Amen.

Copyright ConnieD 2012.  All rights reserved.

 

Amazing

“Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you.”  Joshua 3:5

Today was nothing short of amazing.  Yesterday, not so much.  Yesterday was actually a horrible day, to say the least.  I experienced a huge disappointment yesterday – a job that didn’t come through.  And in my own true form, I promptly reverted to that old bad behavior of mine.  I had a meltdown – you know, a grown-up tantrum, which is very much like a childish tantrum, but the vocabulary is more well-developed.  My husband tried to offer me words of condolence and comfort, and I did try to respond to him kindly, letting him know that I appreciated his support, but my tears, and nose, continued to run.  After a while I figured that I’d better get myself together, and try to “suck it up” and move on with my day as best as I could.  I had a few teary moments after that, and didn’t feel much like eating.  I mostly just moped around, and did a little work at my desk.  I tried to talk to myself, and tell myself that maybe the adage is true, and that it was always darkest before the dawn.  I think I tried to think of lots of little fortune cookie quips that would make me feel better.  Oh, and then after I ran out of those, I tried to remember what God told us in His word.

I remembered that God told us that if we really wanted wisdom, then we should just ask for it.  And He told us to “keep asking” and “keep knocking”.  I also remembered that He told us to draw near to Him, and that when we did that, He’d draw near to us.  So I did just that – when my husband went to run an errand.  I actually waited for my husband to leave the house for a little while so that I could have my out loud, emphasis on loud, “discussion” with God.  I yelled out, and told him that HE PROMISED that if I drew near to Him, that HE SAID – HE PROMISED – that He’d draw near to me.  I told him that just in case there was any doubt, this was my way of drawing near to him, and that if He really meant what he said, then to PLEASE let me know that he was drawing near to me.  I begged him…please…please let me know that he heard me.  Please let me know that he is still real, and that he is still God, and that he really does care, because I just ran completely out of faith.  I begged Him to let me feel his closeness again.

That takes us to today.  I was looking forward to lunch with a dear friend, so I tried to turn my thoughts to lunch as soon as I got up.  I shoved away yesterday’s problems for a while, and got myself together and got out the door.  When I got to the restaurant there were no tables open, and my friend was running late, but I didn’t feel upset and patiently waited for a table.  I finally found a tiny, and I mean tiny, table, but my chair was sticking out and had me perched to that I could see everything the guy in the booth next to me was doing.  And what was he doing?  He was translating a Bible passage.  Hmmm…odd, but ok.  I’m usually not very outgoing in those places, but at the risk of being rude, I asked if he was working on a Bible translation.  He said yes, and we started talking.  He was a pastor!  And then my friend showed up!  And we had the most amazing conversation!  It was wonderful, and for a while, my problems disappeared.  I thanked God for such a wonderful break from yesterday’s sadness.  My friend checked her phone, and I checked mine, just in case my husband called.  It said I had emails, so I took a quick peek, and found more amazing things – requests for job interviews!  And not just one – but three!  THREE!  Amazing!  And I yelled out to my friend that God just answered my prayer!  He showed me that He really does care!  He showed me that He was willing to draw near to me!  AMAZING!!!

So tonight, as I sit here, I realized that today was yesterday’s tomorrow, and I look forward to tomorrow, because tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things!

Lord, thank you for listening to my cries, and thank you for drawing near, and being so very true to your word.  Thank you for letting me know that I’m so not alone, and for bringing my brothers and sisters who are also in You, close to me, too.  Lord, I ask you to continue to be close to me, and keep you arms around me.  Let me always feel you near.  And let me be a blessing to those around me, so that they can know your love through me.  Thank you for the hope we find in You, and for being so amazing.  In Jesus’ name I pray.  Amen.

Copyright ConnieD 2012.  All rights reserved.

What, me worry???

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4: 6-7

I worry.  A lot.  And I confess that right here, right now.  I’m totally guilty.  “Confess” is the right word, because it IS SIN.  God tells us not to worry, but do we?  Yes, we do.  WE do.  I know I’m not alone in this – admit it, you’ll feel better.

See?  Isn’t that better?

God tells us to pray and petition Him instead of worrying about stuff, and to pray and petition Him with thanksgiving in our hearts.  WHAT?!  How can I possibly be thankful about my mess?!  I have this discussion with myself a lot.  Worry is a sin that I struggle with, and some days I’m better at dealing with my anxiousness than others.  I have to remind myself a lot about that whole “prayer and petition” thing.  And once in a while, when I actually stop to listen to what God puts in my heart, I really do find myself able to think of things that I’m thankful for.  So in light of my thankfulness, that still leaves the question about how to deal with the things that I worry about.  Well, the things I’m most thankful for usually also remind me about why I’m thankful for them.

I remember when I was younger and having really major money issues – you know, the kind that having you digging in the couch or the car for enough change to buy some toilet paper, or a loaf of bread.  Well, I remember how I was so depressed and worried about how I’d survive.  One day I was approached by what appeared to be a homeless man in a parking lot, and he asked me if I had anything to spare.  All I had to my name was a handful of change that was in my car, but I scooped them up and gave them to him.  My heart sank when I did that because I knew I was already broke – I wanted to cry so bad.  He walked away, but as he did, he turned and told me that God would bless me.  I told him “thank you” and went on my way.  I thought I’d scream and cry in the car as I drove home – literally sick from my worry.  A few days later, I was getting the mail (which I hated to do, because it was always another bill), and in the mail was an envelope from an attorney.  I had a lump in my throat, because all I could think was “what now?” – but I opened that envelope, and inside was a check.  A check?!  For me?!  I had done a little work with him a year earlier, and he finished the case that I helped with, and he sent me a bonus check.  THAT was God!  THAT was something I could remember, and be thankful for, and be reminded of God’s amazing provision – especially now, when the job front is bleak, and worry just seeps out of every pore.  But when I keep the pictures in my head about that worrisome time so many years ago, I have hope that God’s got my life under His control now, even if I can’t see the answers.

Do I still worry?  Oh, yes.  But when I really listen to Him, and act in obedience to Him, He brings me the peace that He promises.

Lord, thank you for all of the blessings you’ve given me, and the mercies you’ve shown me, throughout my life.  Help me to remember your grace when I feel overwhelmed by life’s problems – the big ones and the small ones.  Help me to be obedient, and to forgo my worry, and trust in you, especially when my emotions get the best of my.  Thank you for doing the best for me, even when I can’t see it.  In Jesus’ name I pray.  Amen.

Copyright ConnieD 2011.  All rights reserved.